Alan

Our Beloved Ducks 98, Those Delusional Huskies 3 (a 71-yard field-goal try goes wide left as time expires, keeping the Ducks from breaking 100) 12 forced turnovers, 4 unforced errors, 2 Husky double-faults--one for showing up, the other for hanging around after halftime 9 sacks, 2 firings of Husky assistants 847 passing years by Bo Nix 326 passing yards by Ty Thompson 112 passing yards by The Duck

Thanks, everyone. I'm happy I can bring a few laughs and smiles to your day!

You hit a grand slam through the uprights with that one.

Sometimes my dry sense of humor fails to register. My intent here was certainly not to praise UCLA for not stealing, but rather to indict them for stealing yet again, this time the lazy and unoriginal stealing of Cal's mascot. I was making fun of UCLA by saying that they struck "Bears" off their list of mascot choices, but then they considered a bunch of other names that were all bears--Grizzlies, Kodiaks, Polar Bears, Yogi--and finally "Bruins." Yes, UCLA copied and stole again. That's what they always do. The funniest part of the quote from Fred Cozens is that it mirrors the satiric scenario that I described in UCLA's selection of their us-too mascot.

Thanks, everyone, for your kind words. Mudslide, I totally agree with you, and I made a necessary adjustment to the article, as you will see. I tip my permanently cockeyed cap to you! That's the problem with having a bizarre brain--you can never find properly fitting headwear. I just heard an announcer refer to Michigan Stadium as "College Football's Cathedral." I've been to that place, and I'll grant you that it is a Big House, since it has almost as many bathrooms as Lincoln Riley's basement. But a cathedral? At best, it's a roadside chapel. That silly announcer has never been to a real cathedral, and let's all whisper its name in reverent tones: "The Cathedral of 2700 Martin Luther King Junior Boulevard at the University of Oregon, Home of Our Beloved Mighty Fighting Ducks, And Where it Never Ever Rains." I like the way it rolls off the tongue, so much easier to say than "Autzen Stadium."

Mario's postgame comments: "Obviously, poor job by me. Poor job by our organization and credit to Middle (Tennessee) for doing what they did." On what to tell the team: "They coached better than us. They played better than us. They were better. We didn't do a good enough job. There's no excuse. We're going to look in the mirror and do something about it...We all came here for a purpose and a reason. We've got a lot of work to do." On the struggles of QB Tyler Van Dyke: "Scheme change. It's different. Some things are different...We've got to do a better job setting him up for success and doing things offensively that allow us to have a more successful and a more productive pass game...We've got a long way to go. I knew we had a long way to go on arrival, but the progress we have made in some respects, it feels a little bit like we have regressed, and we've got to do a better job." Suffice it to say that the media and the fans are already freaking out in Miami, as well they should.

That game was never in doubt. What I can't figure out is why Lanning didn't get a Gatorade bath with four minutes to go.

Postgame quotes from Mario: "We played hard, we played physical, we played tough." My comment: LOL "(We) certainly gave ourselves a chance to at least tie the game there in the end, but not good enough. We gotta get better." My comment: LOL ""At least we showed that we can compete in a difficult environment." My comment: LOL "You gotta execute, you gotta prevent shooting yourself in the foot on some things." My comment: LOL "We have a high character team, the competitive character is high, and we've got to get back to work." My comment LOL Thank you, Mario, for taking your clown show to Miami. Canes fans, we're not laughing with you--we're laughing at you.

This guy reminds me of someone who ruined the Ducks' chances of going to the College Football Playoff, winning a Pac-12 championship, and appearing in the 2022 Rose Bowl. How did he do that? Indifference, inattention, and incompetence.

Travis Dye is a traitor. USC is anathema to the Pac-12. I wish no success to any Trojan, especially a turncoat like Dye.

The really good and wonderful news about Travis Dye is that he will always be a Duck! He told us so, when he departed Eugene: "It was tough. Oregon was my first love, and it always will be. But it was just I gave everything I could to that school for four years straight, and it was time to move on." We all know that four years is so long--it seems an eternity. And we can all relate to Dye, especially as we reminisce about our childhood. I recall my mom and dad telling me right before I started pre-school: "Son, you are our first love and always will be. But it was just we gave everything we could to you for four years straight, and now it's time to move on." Ah, memories. Now our "forever" Duck, Travis Dye, has surrounded himself with some very fine role models--USC President Carol Folt, who can shiv someone in the side while sporting a smile, a coach who similarly ditched his former school for L.A. glitz and depravity, and a new home stadium that glorifies a maniac named O.J. Simpson. No wonder that Dye fits right in with the Trojans--he's just like them. Dye is many things, but a Duck he is not. Let's hope that Dan Lanning's defense can dish out a special type of goodbye to him in this year's Pac-12 championship game.

Matt Zemek from Trojans Wire has the writing aptitude of a high-school sophomore. It wouldn't surprise me if he was a high-school sophomore.

Coaches like Scott Frost make me want to vomit. The maxim is "train, don't strain." What's going on at Nebraska is not training, it's a perverse form of torture--and it endangers the health of players..

I completely agree. The two embarrassing losses to Utah occurred because Mario quit on Oregon, and for his own selfish reasons. Those two defeats cost the Ducks a berth in the College Football Playoff, a Pac-12 championship, and a Rose Bowl appearance. We don't owe Mario any thanks; on the contrary, he owes us an apology, and it's one that we'll never get. I've bought a new popcorn popper just for Miami football games. Let's go, Corch!

To ensure good taste, I suggest that cheerleader photos be allowed only if the cheerleader is, a.) carrying a football, b.) wearing a helmet, or c.) flipping off anyone from USC.