Guest Axel No. 1 Share Posted May 10, 2022 Who's best in college football in 2022? The predictions, articles, and lists are endless. Who's best in the Pac-12? That's an easy one... We’ve all seen the headlines: “Ducks pre-season Pac-12 favorites,” “Oregon a lock for the College Football Playoff,” “Why the Ducks will run the table—through 2032.” Yes, we are forever enamored of Our Beloved Ducks, but true, gluttonous fans want to know more, like “Who’s the worst?” Fear not, fellow football aficionados, as we now present The Top 10 worst teams in this year’s Pac-12, and a little more... The least worst… 10. California (we owe them “the least worst,” because Justin Wilcox didn’t come to Eugene) Greatest disappointment in 2021—The Big One didn’t hit Berkeley Head coach’s mantra in 2022—“Happy to be crappy” 9. Washington State Greatest disappointment in 2021—Still sharing the state with those pointy-headed losers in Seattle Burning question in 2022—Will a running back touch the ball? 8. UCLA Greatest disappointment in 2021—NFL GMs still not taking Chip’s phone calls Burning question—Not even the Lions? The middle worst… 7. Stanford Greatest disappointment in 2021—X’s and O’s not solved with quantum physics Burning question in 2022—Why don’t we give quantum mechanics a try? An even bigger burning question—Forty seasons later, is this the year Rod Gilmore stops whining about “The Play?” 6. Colorado Greatest disappointment in 2021—Ralphie didn’t do a big one on USC bench Burning question in 2022—How big a laxative to give Ralphie before USC game? 5. Arizona State Greatest disappointment in 2021—“You play to win the game” replayed only 900 times Burning question in 2022—Will Sparky do us a solid and stick his trident in a light socket? 4. Arizona Greatest disappointment in 2021—Team bus driver found stadium 12 out of 12 times Burning question in 2022—Will Wildcat players ask for new bus driver? The worst of the worst… 3. USC Trojans (we put ‘em here, out of pure and simple spite) Greatest disappointment in 2021—Trailer pulling Traveler broke down on way to the glue factory Burning question in 2022—Will Colin Cowherd ask Lincoln Riley to the Varsity Hop? Head coach’s musing—“How much will it cost to put in a 13th bathroom?” 2. Corvallis College Beavers (yes, they still suck--you thought their basketball team would be good, too, didn’t you?) Greatest disappointment in 2021—Evil orthodontist pulled Benny the Beaver’s front teeth Burning question in 2022—Will summer wildfires do the Lord’s work on Reser Stadium? And now the number one, absolute worst… Washington Huskies (trust us, we would put them even lower, if we could) Greatest disappointment in 2021—fell four games short of another 0-12 Biggest non-impact factor in 2022—everyone on special teams, the defensive line, the linebackers, the cornerbacks, the safeties, the offensive line, the backfield, the tight ends and wide receivers, the punter and kicker, the coaching staff, the witless fan base, the dopey people in those boats outside the stadium, the concessionaires, the ticket takers, the student body and professors, that moron Softy, the alumni, Seattle, all of Washington state except the Palouse Dishonorable mention—Utah, 11th worst Greatest disappointment in 2021—Mario Cristobal up and left the Pac-12 Burning question in 2022—How bad will the Ducks thrash the Utes now that there's a real coach in Eugene instead of an aluminum-siding salesman? Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
30Duck No. 2 Share Posted May 10, 2022 A tour de force, Axel. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
EastBayDuckDad Moderator No. 3 Share Posted May 10, 2022 On 5/10/2022 at 8:43 AM, Axel said: 7. Stanford Greatest disappointment in 2021—X’s and O’s not solved with quantum physics Burning question in 2022—Why don’t we give quantum mechanics a try? I understand that Shaw is going back to a run heavy offense where both guards pull in the opposite direction but negate each other in a burst of quantum entanglement. 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
