Guest Axel No. 1 Share Posted July 3, 2022 Sources said Saturday that the Pacific-12 Conference, the once proud flagship of a dozen universities, has apparently struck an iceberg in the Pacific Ocean north of California and is foundering badly, as it timidly awaits possible rescue. The news hit everyone on the West Coast like a thunderbolt, since icebergs had never before threatened anyone in the Pacific. Experts close to the situation surmise that the iceberg was deliberately placed and consider it an act of sabotage. One anonymous Pacific-12 athletic director snarled, “It was those snakes and cretins from USC, and those clueless losers and asshats at UCLA were in on it, too.” Officials from those institutions could not be contacted, since they reportedly escaped the Pacific-12 and are holed up somewhere in the Midwest. Oregon, a long-time antagonist of Washington, took a respite from pummeling the Huskies on the football field, and hunkered down with them in a lifeboat. A spokesperson for both schools stated that their fates could well be decided by a hard-to-pin-down transient, Our Lady, who prefers to go by her Latin name, Notre Dame. An angry Kyle Whittingham, the burly coach of the Utah Utes, was reportedly on the main deck storming through every one of the dozen bathrooms on board, threatening to “pound the hell out of Lincoln Riley, that miserable little worm.” At press time, Oregon State and Washington State, in steerage class, were blissfully unaware of the potential demise of the Pacific-12. An OSU Beavers representative spoke excitedly about renovations in progress at Reser Stadium to significantly expand seating capacity. Arizona State, meanwhile, was in full party mode, celebrating the news that university regents had set new minimum graduation standards—a 1.0 GPA or a .10 breathalyzer, whichever comes first. A telegraph operator in the Pacific-12’s wireless room was frantically sending out SOS distress calls, but so far to no avail. In 1912 the Titanic sank while being ignored by the idiots aboard the SS Californian. Now 110 years later, California and Stanford are proving equally worthless to the survival of the Pacific-12. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
1Ducker1 No. 2 Share Posted July 3, 2022 Funny and yet not funny. 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mike West No. 3 Share Posted July 3, 2022 Axel, You are ON FIRE 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Charles Fischer Administrator No. 4 Share Posted July 3, 2022 On 7/2/2022 at 9:29 PM, Mike West said: Axel, You are ON FIRE I'd like to shake his hand, but I'd get 3rd degree burns. Mr. FishDuck Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quackerbacker No. 5 Share Posted July 3, 2022 That was sadly hilarious!! Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pennsylvania Duck Moderator No. 6 Share Posted July 3, 2022 Axel, you are the best. How delightful to start the day with your incredible writings! Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Axel No. 7 Share Posted July 3, 2022 Pennsylvania Duck, thank you sincerely for your kind words. Your post made my day and inspires me to do more. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
