Dealing with Grief: A Long Suffering Duck Fan's Perspective on our Loss

[Ducktails]

I logged onto the Fishduck forum this morning, as I have been doing for a number of years now, to read my fellow fan's observations in our most recent loss to the Huskies, and take solace in the age old adage that misery loves company.

 

It is a little chilly, cold, and overcast here, accentuating my already overwhelming feelings of depression and disappointment, which I failed to drown last night despite an epic bender I went on with a buddy of mine last night after the game.

 

I am an Oregon alum, and a fan, I've been watching the Ducks now for over thirty years, and I can say from the bottom of my heart that this was absolutely one of the most heart rending losses I have ever experienced as a Duck fan; and I have witnessed far too many of them over the years.

 

I was in Seattle when they got throttled by the Huskies 38-17 back in October of 1990.  I watched a game but overmatched Duck team get shelled by Penn St. 38-20 in their first Rose Bowl in nearly forty years on New Year's Day in 1995.  I watched them lose a heartbreaker to UCLA in OT in 1998.  I watched them drop three straight and fall out of national championship contention after Dennis Dixon tore his ACL in a painful road loss to Arizona in 2007.  I watched them lose yet another desultory and disappointing Rose Bowl after an epic season in 2009, and then lose an utterly heartbreaking National Championship appearance the following year; a game so full of blown calls, missed opportunities, and just plain bad luck I was literally sick to my stomach afterward and convinced my team was cursed.

 

This loss was one of the worst ever. 

 

I wanted this one about as bad as I can ever remember.  The revenge match against the Huskies, on the road, with pole position for the PAC Championship in the last year of the conference on the line, and a berth in the National Championship Playoff to boot.  College GameDay in town and virtually everyone picking the Huskies.  A golden opportunity to prove them all wrong and announce our arrival as the front runner for the PAC Championship a Playoff Contender.

 

I thought we had this one.  There had to have been at least a dozen moments in this game, or more, where we could have won it.  But a bad call here, a bad bounce there, and just plain bad luck seemed to conspire to send us home with a loss: the ref's not throwing the flag on the blatantly obvious late hit on Nix in the 1st half.  The uncalled PI on Holden in the endzone.  Not kicking the FG to close out the half.  Three turnovers on downs, including a first and goal from the Husky 10, a first and ten on the Husky 15, and a first and ten from midfield late in the 4th quarter, where a conversion would have likely salted away the win.

 

I yelled, I screamed, and I cursed.  I begged the football gods to give us a friggin' break, all to no avail. 

 

There have been games so emotionally wrenching where, in the wee hours of the morning when I am in the semi-conscious stupor of sleep that sets in when one has had way too much to drink, I actually dream that the game is still on, that this issue is still in doubt, and that the Ducks still have a shot.  And then I wake up and realize, after the fogginess dissipates, that reality is still staring at me face stone faced and unflinching, that we lost, and there isn't a damned thing in the world I can do about it.

 

There are five stages of grief I am told: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. 

 

As I read some of the more strident comments here on the Forum, and the inevitable could, shoulda, woulda armchair, Sunday morning quarterbacking, it strikes me that some of us are still possibly in the Bargaining Stage of Grief, and maybe its best we move on to Depression, and then Acceptance.

 

I know that Lanning arguably should have kicked those field goals.  Maybe we should have run the ball more inside the red zone.  Maybe Nix should have thown the ball to the pylon the second the ball was snapped on that 4th and goal play.  And maybe Lanning should have punted at midfield with 2:00 to go in the 4th.  Maybe if they did these things they would have won.

 

Everyone on this Forum is entitled to handle their grief in their own way and welcome to their own opinion.  My personal opinion is the Ducks lost due to bad luck, plain and simple.  And you cannot Bargain with bad luck.

 

And, as a long suffering Duck fan who's become accustomed to dealing with disappointment over all the heart-rending losses over all these long decades, I am moving on from Depression to Acceptance here.  

 

They lost.  I accept that.  And letting go of the burden of bargaining over how we could have won that game, I instead find myself buoyed by what we actually accomplished, and where we are headed as a team and as a program.

 

They lost.  But I am content they gave it their all and left everything out on the field yesterday.  They outgained the Huskies by over a hundred yards, mounted an epic comeback from a double digit deficit, and made an amazing goal line stand from the 1 yard line against one of the best offenses in the country.  They never quit.

 

They played well enough to win, and were it not for a bounce of the ball here, or a bad call there, they would have won, and the whole world knows it.  All the talking heads on TV are talking about this game as an instant classic, and virtually all of them agree that this game could have easily gone either way.  There was respect for the Ducks as legit National Championship Contenders this morning.  There was even healthy respect from the Husky fanbase, many of whom are giving the Ducks their props for their performance yesterday, which is a rarity in this rivalry.

 

I am reminded of how I felt leaving Husky Stadium all those years ago back in 1990, after the Huskies had throttled the Ducks by three touchdowns in a game that was never really competitive.  The Huskies were just bigger, stronger, faster.  We just didn't have the athletes to compete with them.  It's like they were in a different league.  A legit National Championship Contender

 

 

"They never had a chance" I thought. 

 

What I would have given then to have the team we have now.  They are bigger, stronger, faster.  We have the athletes now.  The talent is off the charts.  We have the horses to hang with anyone in the country, and the Huskies, fielding one of the best teams they've ever had in the history of their storied program, barely escaped with their lives yesterday by the skin of their teeth, thanks to a handful of lucky breaks and bounces. 

 

This Duck team is a National Championship Caliber team.  And while they may have lost yesterday that was one of the grittiest, gutsiest performances I have ever had the privilege of witnessing in my nearly 35 years as a long suffering Duck fan.

 

I don't know if they'll win a National Championship this year.  But if they keep bringing it, bringing it the way they brought it yesterday, and if they keep playing with a chip on their shoulder, and leaving it all out on the field, like they did against the Huskies yesterday, they sure as hell have a shot.  And that's about as much as anyone can reasonably ask of them.

 

And if they do that -win, lose, or draw- they'll be my Champion. 

 

They'll be our Champion....

 

[Steven A]

Dear Ducktails,

 

We feel your pain.

 

Take solace that this forum beats a $500 per hour shrink.

 

P.S. This moderator does want your billing address for my moderation.

[Charles Fischer]

What an epic post.

 

Truly...you are one of us, a Duck-Brother, who has felt it all.  With your writing skills--I wish you would post more often.  Thanks for writing it better than I ever could...

[HappyToBeADuck]

Ducktails thank you for that deep dive into your feelings on your 30 year plus Duck journey.

 

The ABC Wide World of Sports telling words of "The Thrill of Victory or The Agony of Defeat" rang in my ears as I read your heartfelt post.

 

Prior to "The Pick" Duck fans were just a number on usc, ucla or washingtons journey to the rose bowl.

 

Not much to emotionally invest in until that pick.

 

Then the journey, each season to a possible Rose Bowl, BCS games, New Years 6 games CFP and Natty games captured Duck fans.

 

You could hang your heart on the possibility of a special season.

 

Every game mattered on the journey and all of us became emotionally attached. Their now was a reason to feel and show our passion.

 

Your great post showed your passion and will resonate with many Duck fans. It did with me. Thank you!

 

Most of the games that you listed had more emotion and passion involved because they were season ending games. Or losses that shattered Ducks dreams.

 

Yesterdays loss is not in that category. No quit in the players, no curse, no missed calls kept the Ducks from victory!

 

Just some coaching choices that were a 50/50 shot. DL put the Ducks on the wrong side of that 50/50 shot. I have read articles today where DL takes the blame and complete responsibility.

 

Its no consolation but yesterday's loss did nothing to end the Ducks PAC Title hopes, CFP chances or a shot at the Natty. Win out and all is in front of our Ducks in 2023.

 

The loss raised the 2023 Duck profile, image and brand. The Ducks are still a top 10 team and every member of the selection committee knows it.

 

They damn well know it......

 

Thanks for sharing your deep feeling and have faith that this will be a very special Duck season.

 

GO Ducks.........

 

[Duckdude]

That’s what being a Duck fan is!  Congrats, Buddy!  “Join the Club”!  That’s why it was so incredible when we qualified for “the Natty”……twice!!  That’s a “reversal of fortune”!  But, even there….Duckdom struck when the Auburn runner who everyone thought was down, rolled off a player’s back and……well, eventually “screwed” us again!

We keep hoping, though!  All you say, and our history as Duck fans, adds to the backstory as to why it’s just so…….maddening……when our own hotshot coach….causes us….and his hard-playing players…..to grab a defeat from a sure victory.   It just doesn’t happen that often, when we, as a top ten team are in position to beat,…..not just any other top ten team, but……UW!  Lanning recklessly blew it,….when his job, duty, responsibility…..is to ensure victory!  Two years in a row now.

So,,,,,,,there’s no way to sugarcoat it: it hurts!  It’s a big disappointment.  Lanning let us…..and his players…..down.

 

But….yes…..it’s over.  What’s done is done.

 

All we can do is hope for the Best going forward.  And, of course, we all do.   That’s what we Duck fans do!  Go Ducks!!!
 

[Mic]

The sooner we put this loss in the rear view mirror and start looking forward to WSU and the remaining 6 games, the better.  Oregon is still in the hunt, everyone.  And Oregon is still a very fine football program - and getting better.

 

And let's never forget, no matter how badly we feel about this loss, imagine how the players and coaches feel about it.  Let's keep things in perspective, please.  

 

GO OREGON!