Jump to content
Guest Axel

Keeping Up With Mario. His New OC Hire at Miami--And an Intern's Take

Recommended Posts

Guest Axel

Since we are all huge Mario Cristobal fans, (yeah, right), isn’t it only fitting that we continue to monitor his progress? In this article, Cristobal shares his vision for Miami’s offense upon acquiring Josh Gattis from Michigan as his new offensive coordinator.

 

Mario Cristobal shares what his vision for UM's offense is with Josh Gattis as offensive coordinator (247sports.com)

 

My online intern Hans “Scoop” Johannson was patched into the Cristobal interview, and he filed this dispatch from his one-room studio (with no view, but a hotplate) in Bird of Paradise, N.M.

 

CORAL GABLES, Fla.—It’s official. For reasons known only to God, former Michigan offensive coordinator Josh Gattis has accepted the OC job for Mario Cristobal’s Miami Hurricanes. Cristobal commented that Gattis “definitely” will be invited to attend Miami football games, and the U's head coach promised a balanced attack.

 

“Ninety-eight percent of the time, we’ll run our tailback through the ‘A’ gap on first and second downs,” Cristobal said. “Then on third down and long, we’ll throw a crappy pass short of the sticks, 98 percent of the time.”

 

In the unlikely event of a touchdown, Cristobal said he would run 39 seconds off the play clock, call timeout, and then hurriedly decide whether to go for one or two.

 

Cristobal plans a balanced attack on special teams as well. Fifty percent of the time, he’ll pray for a legendary South Florida gale-force wind to waft a kickoff out of the end zone. The other 50 percent of the time, the Hurricanes hope to out-physical the kickoff returner seconds after crossing the 50-yard line and a split-second before crossing the goal line.  

 

Cristobal reiterated his football philosophy: “Get in their faces. Bully them. And intimidate them.” He said that once he utilizes that strategy on his coaching staff, he might consider using it against opposing teams as well.

 

Gattis could not be reached for comment. He was reportedly undergoing an initial therapy session at the U’s mental-health clinic.  

Link to post
Share on other sites

Ouch you really don't like MC.

Link to post
Share on other sites

He really had all of us convinced at first too..."Do what Oregon has been doing well on offense, but get tougher in the trenches."  That sounded fine to me...

 

So we all dove right in!

giphy.gif

Turns out it wasn't a fit...

  • Haha 5

Mr. FishDuck

Link to post
Share on other sites

So.... did MC finally learn his lesson? Will he finally allow the OC to have control???

 

I know what we are all thinking: I believe it when I see it!    

 

or, as Mahomes would say, "I'll see it when I believe it."

  • Haha 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

What does it matter he's at Miami we got DL, Dillingham and Lupoi. Wait and see. They will do great in leading our OBD. We are going to surprise!a lot of people!

 

I believe both teams are better and he's gone, never to walk out of the home teams locker room again. We are right with the universe. 

 

Go Ducks Fly High 

  • Thumbs Up 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

On 2/9/2022 at 6:15 PM, Axel said:

Since we are all huge Mario Cristobal fans, (yeah, right), isn’t it only fitting that we continue to monitor his progress? In this article, Cristobal shares his vision for Miami’s offense upon acquiring Josh Gattis from Michigan as his new offensive coordinator.

 

Mario Cristobal shares what his vision for UM's offense is with Josh Gattis as offensive coordinator (247sports.com)

 

My online intern Hans “Scoop” Johannson was patched into the Cristobal interview, and he filed this dispatch from his one-room studio (with no view, but a hotplate) in Bird of Paradise, N.M.

 

CORAL GABLES, Fla.—It’s official. For reasons known only to God, former Michigan offensive coordinator Josh Gattis has accepted the OC job for Mario Cristobal’s Miami Hurricanes. Cristobal commented that Gattis “definitely” will be invited to attend Miami football games, and the U's head coach promised a balanced attack.

 

“Ninety-eight percent of the time, we’ll run our tailback through the ‘A’ gap on first and second downs,” Cristobal said. “Then on third down and long, we’ll throw a crappy pass short of the sticks, 98 percent of the time.”

 

In the unlikely event of a touchdown, Cristobal said he would run 39 seconds off the play clock, call timeout, and then hurriedly decide whether to go for one or two.

 

Cristobal plans a balanced attack on special teams as well. Fifty percent of the time, he’ll pray for a legendary South Florida gale-force wind to waft a kickoff out of the end zone. The other 50 percent of the time, the Hurricanes hope to out-physical the kickoff returner seconds after crossing the 50-yard line and a split-second before crossing the goal line.  

 

Cristobal reiterated his football philosophy: “Get in their faces. Bully them. And intimidate them.” He said that once he utilizes that strategy on his coaching staff, he might consider using it against opposing teams as well.

 

Gattis could not be reached for comment. He was reportedly undergoing an initial therapy session at the U’s mental-health clinic.  

 

Are you certain that isn't Truth or Consequences, New Mexico? (A town that, like Cut and Shoot, TX, actually exists.)

Link to post
Share on other sites

Sounds legit to me😁

Link to post
Share on other sites

The best way to keep up with MC is your ability to be able to walk backwards.

  • Haha 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

     Think I’ll buy a hot plate and move to New Mexico. What a great view on life! Thanks

 

     That said, I can never resist playing devil’s advocate. For two reasons, if anyone can move the unmovable object, it might be Gattis.

 

     1) He has the experience of holding his own under two alpha HCs in Saban and Harbaugh, and apparently establishing his own vision, and 

    
     2) he’ll be installing an offensive vision with which MC is apparently in agreement with because of their similar experiences at Alabama.

 

     That said, it’s still Mario. He starts with the best of intentions before giving way to the irresistible urge to tinker and micromanage.

 

     Hope Gattis doesn’t miss any of  those counseling session.

  • Thumbs Up 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Both coordinators will be gone next year. Probably head coach material.

Link to post
Share on other sites

On 2/9/2022 at 6:52 PM, Jon Sousa said:

So.... did MC finally learn his lesson? Will he finally allow the OC to have control???

 

I know what we are all thinking: I believe it when I see it!    

 

or, as Mahomes would say, "I'll see it when I believe it."

 

No, No and Yes.

  • Haha 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now


×
×
  • Create New...
Top