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Key Facts, Round Two. This Time We’re Dissing Texas A&M

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Guest Axel

Our Beloved Ducks at Texas A&M  

 

Saturday, March 19, 2022, 9:00 a.m. PDT (Pretty Dumb Time) [but what do we expect--it's the nutty NIT]

 

TV: ESPN

 

How is your NIT bracket looking? Exactly. You don’t have an NIT bracket, because no one has an NIT bracket, and that’s because I don’t think there is an NIT bracket. The Ducks just beat the Aggies and now the Ducks are playing…the Aggies?

 

In a state dominated by football, Texas A&M University is building a resume for basketball, as evidenced by the following statistics:

 

NCAA National championships—0

NIT championships--0

NCAA Final 4 appearances—0

NCAA Elite 8 appearances—0

Most recent NCAA tournament snub—2022

Most recent conference tournament championship—1987 (when the long-defunct Southwestern Conference was still in existence)

 

We said that Texas A&M is building a basketball resume. We didn’t say it was an impressive resume.

 

Then again, does anyone even care about basketball at Texas A&M? Kyle Field, their football stadium, has approximately 90,000 more seats than their basketball court.

 

Texas A&M’s regular season record was 24-12. Not bad you may think, until you consider that their schedule included the worst of the worthless—real roundball zeros like Abilene Christian, North Florida, Houston Baptist University, the Oregon State Beavers, and please God, help us always be uncharitable to that scurvy gang of rats from Corvallis.

 

Texas A&M does not have a college fight song. They do, however, have a War Hymn. If you have Attila the Hun or Genghis Khan lurking somewhere in your family tree, you can flunk your SATs and still get a four-year free ride to A&M.

 

Speaking of the Texas A&M University War Hymn, it features such university-like lyrics as, “Hullabaloo Caneck,” “Chig-gar-roo-gar-rem,” and “Varsity’s horns are sawed off.” We are not implying that A&M fans are mentally unstable, but after rereading those lyrics, yes, that is exactly what we are implying.

 

Contrary to popular belief, the A&M in Texas A&M does not stand for Agricultural & Mechanical. In A&M’s official words, A&M stands for nothing. This makes total sense for a school that waxes eloquent about Chig-gar-roo-gar-rem.

 

If that War Hymn isn’t scary enough, Texas A&M has another psychotic anthem that they call The Spirit of Aggieland. This charming little ditty urges farmers to “Fight! Fight! Fight-fight-fight!”

 

In today’s already messed-up world, do we really need farmers coming after us with pitchforks? Please, just get back on your tractors and grow us some damned food.

 

The 12th Man delusion at Texas A&M goes back to the days of President Warren Gamaliel Harding. (We inserted his middle name just to make this post more literary.) Harding was buried in Ohio in 1923, just like the football team from The Ohio State University was buried by the Ducks in 2021.

 

That has nothing to do with the NIT, but it’s really satisfying to give Brutus Buckeye a good, hard kick in the teeth.

 

The 12th Man is allegedly a source of inspiration, if not a woeful fantasy, for A&M football teams. Someone should get word to Dana Altman that the Aggies may try to sneak 11 guys onto the court. Hell, in the goofy NIT, that might even be legal.

 

Brandon Wheeland in the Dallas Morning News wrote, “There isn’t anything quite like the 12th Man. Especially anywhere in the state of Washington.” I don’t think he was insulting Seahawks fans. No, he was thinking of those contemptible morons who inhabit Husky Stadium.

 

The official mascot of Texas A&M is a dog named Reveille, and this should set off all kinds of alarm bells for every Ducks fan. Because of those hopelessly depraved wretches at the University of Washington, we’ve seen how mutt-worshipping can devolve into a full-blown insanity that would terrify Caligula.

 

Reveille is a bitch--yes, a female dog--a cheap insult, we admit, so sue us. Incredibly, she outranks everyone in A&M’s Corps of Cadets, which begins to give you an idea of the dysfunction that infests the entire A&M campus.

 

If no other school will have you, and your life spirals down to where you’re a Texas A&M cadet, things can get even more humiliating. If Reveille finds her way into your dorm room and falls asleep on your bed, you have to sleep on the floor.

 

If Reveille wanders into a classroom and barks, the professor must allow the dog’s interruption and end the day’s lessons. We are not making this up. Deranged A&M traditions like this help ensure that two-thirds of the student body remain less intelligent than their mascot.

 

Of course, treating a dog like the Dalai Lama is bound to lead to eventual misery. The current Reveille has nine deceased predecessors, buried with military pomp at very tearful funerals, and their deaths caused untold heartache for millions of grossly oversentimental Texans.

 

The Duck, on the other hand, is still going strong at 82 years of age, and by virtue of his regular push-up regimen, doctors estimate that he will live for at least several more centuries. Unlike the A&M mascots, The Duck has never caused one tear to be shed, and no, we’re not counting those witless, stupid Huskies, the biggest crybabies in all of creation.

 

Texas A&M is a #1 seed in this tournament of sad retreads, but we aren’t quite sure what this means given the number of out-and-out losers (except Our Beloved Ducks, of course) in the NIT field. A&M added another measly scalp to its ridiculous basketball resume by beating Alcorn State, whoever they are, and wherever they’re from.

 

Texas A&M is favored by 5 points over the Ducks, and if we’re losing late in the second half, we can always hope that Reveille shows up and does something doglike to cancel the game.

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Made my day AGAIN!  👏

Mr. FishDuck

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On 3/18/2022 at 10:25 AM, Axel said:

That has nothing to do with the NIT, but it’s really satisfying to give Brutus Buckeye a good, hard kick in the teeth.

Very nicely played, Axel. My only suggestion is to substitute "acorns" for "teeth" as befitting the school with some of the most smug and arrogant fans in the hemisphere.

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They should have been in the NCAA Tournament losing eight SEC games in a row?

 

49603c40-a4f1-11ec-9dff-d2e212f79960
SPORTS.YAHOO.COM

At the end of Williams’ news conference Tuesday night, he distributed to reporters nine pages of his own research on why Texas A&M deserved a bid.

 

Mr. FishDuck

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Guest Axel
On 3/18/2022 at 11:39 AM, EastBayDuckDad said:

Very nicely played, Axel. My only suggestion is to substitute "acorns" for "teeth"

Excellent suggestion, EastBayDuckDad. I think we can all agree that Brutus Buckeye and his arrogant entourage deserve a good, strong kick in the chestnuts. 

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I hate to rain on this parade, but.................................................................

 

Ducks record in early day games this season is not good!

 

Nov 24 Houston @Las Vegas11:30AM        Lost 49-78

Feb 12 California @Eugene   1:00 PM          Lost 64-78

Mar 5 Washington State @Pullman 1:00 PM Lost74-94

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On 3/18/2022 at 12:50 PM, ICamel said:

I hate to rain on this parade, but........

No problem, as we are Ducks!

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Mr. FishDuck

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Guest Axel
On 3/18/2022 at 12:18 PM, Charles Fischer said:

They should have been in the NCAA Tournament losing eight SEC games in a row?

Such lunatic thinking by Coach Buzz (or is it Buzzed?) Williams, must have its roots in the psychopathic mutt worship at A&M. Move over, you unhinged, crackbrained Washington Huskies. You have company.

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On 3/18/2022 at 10:25 AM, Axel said:

No, he was thinking of those contemptible morons who inhabit Husky Stadium.

 

On 3/18/2022 at 10:25 AM, Axel said:

Because of those hopelessly depraved wretches at the University of Washington, we’ve seen how mutt-worshipping can devolve into a full-blown insanity that would terrify Caligula.

 

On 3/18/2022 at 10:25 AM, Axel said:

and no, we’re not counting those witless, stupid Huskies, the biggest crybabies in all of creation.

 WOW Axel, way to show your butt-sniffing-canine-love while writing about another team.  HOF stuff. 

 

I just wish you had somehow woven in the similarity that "traditions like this help ensure that two-thirds of the student body remain less intelligent than their mascot" to the other 12th man university.

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I salute you good sir. 🙂

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Getting a bit off topic here, but bear with me. Did a little research and a buckeye is neither an acorn nor a true chestnut. Most closely related to the horse chestnut which has little commercial value, a warty sac (not making this up) and no sane mammal (including horses) will eat them because they are toxic. They do however make for a larger target when directing a good strong kick.

 

On 3/18/2022 at 12:36 PM, Axel said:

Excellent suggestion, EastBayDuckDad. I think we can all agree that Brutus Buckeye and his arrogant entourage deserve a good, strong kick in the chestnuts. 

 

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On 3/18/2022 at 3:04 PM, EastBayDuckDad said:

strong kick in the chestnuts

I'd aim much lower.

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When you spend $30M recruiting a football team how much is left over for BBall team?

 

College Station is Houston without a beach; or, a basketball team as good as Houston's. 

 

As a matter of fact the "Pac-20" had 9 teams in this season's NCAA Tourney. But who needs the $, right?

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Oregon crushed the Aggies, 9-1 in blocked shots. That is the only stat they won.

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On 3/18/2022 at 1:25 PM, Axel said:

Our Beloved Ducks at Texas A&M  

 

Saturday, March 19, 2022, 9:00 a.m. PDT (Pretty Dumb Time) [but what do we expect--it's the nutty NIT]

 

TV: ESPN

 

How is your NIT bracket looking? Exactly. You don’t have an NIT bracket, because no one has an NIT bracket, and that’s because I don’t think there is an NIT bracket. The Ducks just beat the Aggies and now the Ducks are playing…the Aggies?

 

In a state dominated by football, Texas A&M University is building a resume for basketball, as evidenced by the following statistics:

 

NCAA National championships—0

NIT championships--0

NCAA Final 4 appearances—0

NCAA Elite 8 appearances—0

Most recent NCAA tournament snub—2022

Most recent conference tournament championship—1987 (when the long-defunct Southwestern Conference was still in existence)

 

We said that Texas A&M is building a basketball resume. We didn’t say it was an impressive resume.

 

Then again, does anyone even care about basketball at Texas A&M? Kyle Field, their football stadium, has approximately 90,000 more seats than their basketball court.

 

Texas A&M’s regular season record was 24-12. Not bad you may think, until you consider that their schedule included the worst of the worthless—real roundball zeros like Abilene Christian, North Florida, Houston Baptist University, the Oregon State Beavers, and please God, help us always be uncharitable to that scurvy gang of rats from Corvallis.

 

Texas A&M does not have a college fight song. They do, however, have a War Hymn. If you have Attila the Hun or Genghis Khan lurking somewhere in your family tree, you can flunk your SATs and still get a four-year free ride to A&M.

 

Speaking of the Texas A&M University War Hymn, it features such university-like lyrics as, “Hullabaloo Caneck,” “Chig-gar-roo-gar-rem,” and “Varsity’s horns are sawed off.” We are not implying that A&M fans are mentally unstable, but after rereading those lyrics, yes, that is exactly what we are implying.

 

Contrary to popular belief, the A&M in Texas A&M does not stand for Agricultural & Mechanical. In A&M’s official words, A&M stands for nothing. This makes total sense for a school that waxes eloquent about Chig-gar-roo-gar-rem.

 

If that War Hymn isn’t scary enough, Texas A&M has another psychotic anthem that they call The Spirit of Aggieland. This charming little ditty urges farmers to “Fight! Fight! Fight-fight-fight!”

 

In today’s already messed-up world, do we really need farmers coming after us with pitchforks? Please, just get back on your tractors and grow us some damned food.

 

The 12th Man delusion at Texas A&M goes back to the days of President Warren Gamaliel Harding. (We inserted his middle name just to make this post more literary.) Harding was buried in Ohio in 1923, just like the football team from The Ohio State University was buried by the Ducks in 2021.

 

That has nothing to do with the NIT, but it’s really satisfying to give Brutus Buckeye a good, hard kick in the teeth.

 

The 12th Man is allegedly a source of inspiration, if not a woeful fantasy, for A&M football teams. Someone should get word to Dana Altman that the Aggies may try to sneak 11 guys onto the court. Hell, in the goofy NIT, that might even be legal.

 

Brandon Wheeland in the Dallas Morning News wrote, “There isn’t anything quite like the 12th Man. Especially anywhere in the state of Washington.” I don’t think he was insulting Seahawks fans. No, he was thinking of those contemptible morons who inhabit Husky Stadium.

 

The official mascot of Texas A&M is a dog named Reveille, and this should set off all kinds of alarm bells for every Ducks fan. Because of those hopelessly depraved wretches at the University of Washington, we’ve seen how mutt-worshipping can devolve into a full-blown insanity that would terrify Caligula.

 

Reveille is a bitch--yes, a female dog--a cheap insult, we admit, so sue us. Incredibly, she outranks everyone in A&M’s Corps of Cadets, which begins to give you an idea of the dysfunction that infests the entire A&M campus.

 

If no other school will have you, and your life spirals down to where you’re a Texas A&M cadet, things can get even more humiliating. If Reveille finds her way into your dorm room and falls asleep on your bed, you have to sleep on the floor.

 

If Reveille wanders into a classroom and barks, the professor must allow the dog’s interruption and end the day’s lessons. We are not making this up. Deranged A&M traditions like this help ensure that two-thirds of the student body remain less intelligent than their mascot.

 

Of course, treating a dog like the Dalai Lama is bound to lead to eventual misery. The current Reveille has nine deceased predecessors, buried with military pomp at very tearful funerals, and their deaths caused untold heartache for millions of grossly oversentimental Texans.

 

The Duck, on the other hand, is still going strong at 82 years of age, and by virtue of his regular push-up regimen, doctors estimate that he will live for at least several more centuries. Unlike the A&M mascots, The Duck has never caused one tear to be shed, and no, we’re not counting those witless, stupid Huskies, the biggest crybabies in all of creation.

 

Texas A&M is a #1 seed in this tournament of sad retreads, but we aren’t quite sure what this means given the number of out-and-out losers (except Our Beloved Ducks, of course) in the NIT field. A&M added another measly scalp to its ridiculous basketball resume by beating Alcorn State, whoever they are, and wherever they’re from.

 

Texas A&M is favored by 5 points over the Ducks, and if we’re losing late in the second half, we can always hope that Reveille shows up and does something doglike to cancel the game.

Great LOL take. A+M fans are as delusional as are Texas fans.

 

Yet, A+M sells out a huge stadium for all CFB games and sells out its BBall arena for all CBB games.

 

In fairness, A+M is one of the 4 SEC teams that is a member AAU University. When OK and UT come aboard, it will be 5 AAU members out of the 16 schools. It Just Means More! Except, when it comes to academics, it doesn't.

 

Also in fairness to my fellow and sister Ducks fans, I've been to College Station, Texas; Do Not Go There! UT does have a significant 'home town' advantage over A+M.

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On 3/18/2022 at 6:04 PM, EastBayDuckDad said:

Getting a bit off topic here, but bear with me. Did a little research and a buckeye is neither an acorn nor a true chestnut. Most closely related to the horse chestnut which has little commercial value, a warty sac (not making this up) and no sane mammal (including horses) will eat them because they are toxic. They do however make for a larger target when directing a good strong kick.

 

 

History tells us that Brutus was a back-stabber.

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I think what Axel wrote and this thread was FAR more entertaining than the game itself!  Thanks to all...

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Mr. FishDuck

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And Villanova just knocked those entitled tOSU Poisonous Warty Sac Horse Chestnuts out of the tournament. So while I mourn the absence of a Duck team late in the post season, this is a nice little consolation.

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