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DazeNconfused

Quintessential Cristobal

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MIAMI.RIVALS.COM

Mario Cristobal showed Koby Howard his personal side after the WR broke his leg at Legends Camp.

 

Almost like a politician getting a photo OP, he's good

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 I almost burst out laughing...."Koby....talk to Micah Pittman and the other receivers who were going to bolt from Oregon!"

 

How many receivers did Mari put in the league?

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Mr. FishDuck

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I don't question MC's concern for his players. I think he genuinely wants what is best for them.

 

HOWEVER, WRs are like "his teenagers". He really loves them, but doesn't understand them and has no idea how to help them.

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On 6/30/2022 at 10:58 AM, Charles Fischer said:

How many receivers did Mari put in the league?

Same as you and everyone else on the forum.

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He and McClendon recruited Franklin and Thornton. I do believe that if MC had stayed and got a healthy season most important his line which never was the same lineup for 13 games which would have helped especially in pass protection. AB got beat up in the 2nd half of the 3rd game. Came back, became skittish or scared and didn't pass it well until the 2nd half against Oklahoma except for a couple games with teams with poor pass coverage ( UCLA, Colorado, and OSU).

 

He needs a accurate QB that would hit the long throws with the 5 or six shots downfield he takes. I'm not going to defend MC x's and o's. MC wasn't most fans cup of tea. I get it!

 

I am going to suggest that if it was Franklin, Thornton, or McGee that became WR 1 they would have a shot at being drafted. All 4 years MC coached who of our WR were good enough to drafted, even if he wasn't the HC. Not a one. They weren't fast enough. Look at their times from the Combine; 4.6 4.7. Or something like that. Terrible. In fact tell me all the WR who were drafted and became pros in our history. We have been the worst of all the top programs.

 

What can't be denied is his connection with players. I don't believe he's a salesman who tells the recruits anything they want to hear. They have eyes and ears. They know his reputation. A hard nosed, conservative, and run first HC. Still they came.

 

Now at the U with mostly a completely new staff he's gotten several players who we coveted 1 last year and 3 so far this year. That's not happening because he's a liar or a bad coach.

 

There's 1 player in 4 yrs, Pittman, who quit on his team in midst of a 7/1 season who made this claim. A SoCal boy who quit because he wasn't getting thrown to enough before the Utah game even though 2 WRs were out and he was our #1 punt returner. 

 

So these are my thoughts of how things went down and how they might have turned out differently. Hope they are considered.

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McGee was in the portal and was convinced to stay by Lanning.  I believe most of the receivers would have left if Cristobal stayed.  

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Mr. FishDuck

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Let’s take a moment to really delve into what’s transpiring here instead of the “tug-at-my-heartstrings” nonsense that’s being portrayed.  BTW, Goofball, if you’re going to wear the mask, please don’t treat it like a chinstrap.  But there’s a reason for this which will be detailed by item #3 below. 

 

I’ve always said that an opportunistic leader can turn a disaster into a win.  As a matter of fact, they hope for a near-catastrophic event so they can jump into action and save the day. 

 

“Look Mom, no cape.” 

 

Crissy obviously believes in this philosophy as well.   But, unlike me, I imagine he’s the kind of guy that has assembled a “how-to” field guide for taking advantage of situations when persons are in compromising positions. 

Just for the sake of argument, let’s title Crissy’s field guide ‘Duping the Public Into Thinking I Care During Moments of Crisis’.  I know, it’s a lengthy title and NOT one befitting of public adoration, but nonetheless, it does call it as it is.

 

His (Crissy’s) guide would have to be step-by-step which would mimic the authors absence of imagination, void of real sentence structure mirroring the lack of cohesiveness displayed between he and his coaching staff and laced with over-the-top hyperbole to mask what the author knows to be – hollow promises.

 

I imagine it looks a little like this.

 

Duping the Public Into Thinking I Care During Moments of Crisis

 

1.      Setting the scene.  Pay careful attention during photo op. (PO) to display a background which will paint a distressing picture of the intended target.

 

2.      Appropriate attire.  Make sure that I’m donning the latest “U” apparel as provided by Adidas.  Most importantly, the target MUST be clothed in no less than a total 400 square inches of Adidas product – preferably orange & green.  Exception:  One can not force a 4th degree burn patient to simply slip a hoodie over his head. 

  

3.      Posture.  Make sure my entire face is on display, so it’s conveyed with undeniable clarity that the target before me is the most important person in the world.  Target must be facing forward and displaying the “U” symbol or be in physical contact with myself.  When possible, bend 90 degrees at the elbow(s) and flex without holding my breath.  Chicks dig it and it makes me look virile - like Putin. 

 

4.      Cozy-up.  Go out of your way to get to a parent.  Console, nod your head, maintain eye contact and repeat “I have nothing but your son’s best interest at heart” no less than five times.  If they tear up, suck it up, and give them a hug.  Even if they smell bad.

 

5.      Closing Act.  Call John Ruiz @ 1-305…. wait, dang-it, I almost gave the part about offering a scholarship with NIL money away AGAIN!  Maybe the Ducks fans were right.   I’m just not that smart.

 

Pretty sure the offer was forthcoming, but when that tibia went snap The Cuban Missile Crissy went into action.  Any good recruiter worth his salt would have done the exact same thing.  He’ll not only get this kid, but this little media circus does nothing but put the “U” (of all places) out there in the most positive of light.  I can see the annoying glow of dayglo orange neon now – “Come to Miami.  We have the coach that cares.”  Barf.

 

Well played Crissy.  Well played.  

 

Side Note:  Haven’t posted in a while.  I was in a little dust-up when escorting an unruly group from a local establishment and received a gift in the middle of my back for my trouble which put me down for a little.  Think I’m still a little cantankerous from that event – hence my not-so-nice post.  My apologies. 

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Note to Jester: While I thoroughly enjoyed your cleverly written satirical poke at the grandstanding of Mario, I was turned off by your sentence at the end of point 4, describing Christobal's touchy feely contact with parents of recruits, "Even if they smell bad."  I sincerely believe you meant no harm, but otherwise, you do have a gift for satire,

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On 6/30/2022 at 7:56 PM, Sideburns said:

Note to Jester: While I thoroughly enjoyed your cleverly written satirical poke at the grandstanding of Mario, I was turned off by your sentence at the end of point 4, describing Christobal's touchy feely contact with parents of recruits, "Even if they smell bad."  I sincerely believe you meant no harm, but otherwise, you do have a gift for satire,

So it's a B-?

 

Just glad you weren't turned on by the smell comment.  

 

Check back in with you guys in another month.

 

L8R All

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On 6/30/2022 at 3:45 PM, Charles Fischer said:

McGee was in the portal and was convinced to stay by Lanning.  I believe most of the receivers would have left if Cristobal stayed.  

He went in the portal after MC left. I don't know if he still would have if MC had stayed. 

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Guest Axel

The USC and UCLA news is certainly no laughing matter, but thankfully Mariø Cristøbal, still is, and so on a night where we all need a respite from bad news, here is a little something on the ridiculous side…

 

Important note: we have endeavored to make the following post as accurate as a recruiting spiel from Mariø Cristøbal, the man from Scandinavia.

 

Special thanks to my intern Scøøp Jøhnssøn for his research, which consumed the better part of a smoke break, and no, I don’t think it was a Camel he was puffing on.

 

hnssøn, I must hasten to point out, is not Norwegian, Swedish, or Danish. As far as I know, he was born in Madagascar, but has taken to using slashes in his name, because he thinks “it’s cool,” and nøw he even has me døing it in ørdinary wørds, damn him.

 

Cristøbal, who allegedly was involved with Oregon football as recently as last year, has perfected the art of feigning concern for banged-up wide receivers who will likely never sniff the end zone in a Mariø Cristøbal offense. This takes skill.

 

In the well-staged photo that begins this thread, you will notice that Cristøbal cares. You can tell that he cares by his furrowed forehead. It’s a real shame that there are no farms in Coral Gables, because farmers could plant row after row of soybeans in those furrows. Their harvest would be bountiful, and we are guessing that it could double the GDP of a country the size of, say, Madagascar.

 

This is not just a well-staged photo. It is a photo as well staged as Phantom of the Opera or Les Miserables. Just look at all of the high-tech medical equipment that Cristøbal is posing with. We don’t know what this equipment does, but we can assure you that Cristøbal does. He said he likes the beeping sounds they make and that the numbers on the displays come in different colors. Clearly, this is a man who has deep thoughts, even if the poor wide receiver laying in that hospital bed will never be allowed to run a deep route.

 

People say that a picture is worth a thousand words. But in the case of this picture, it may be worth a million in NIL loot. The name of this guy with the fractured tibia is not important; what matters is how good he is.

 

If he’s okay good, he’s worth a picture on page 87 of a Canes football program; if he’s really, really good he’s worth an air-brushed photo on the program’s cover, a bronze statue on campus, and a shady bank account in Zurich for a million euros. You can learn a lot from photography.

 

The biggest giveaway that shows Cristøbal cares is the very shirt he’s wearing. It’s a Canes shirt, a shirt from his hallowed alma mater, the U. “The U. of what?” you say? We’ll give you a clue: it ain’t Oregon.

 

You have to really, really care about the Canes to wave that shirt around, when you’re purportedly getting paid for coaching a different team. But that’s how a caring coach like Mariø Cristøbal rolls.

 

So the Ducks need a win against Utah to stay in the hunt for the natty. Ducks ain’t Canes. Wave the Canes shirt.

 

Now the Ducks need a win against the Utes to be Pac-12 champs and go the Rose Bowl. Ducks ain’t Canes. Wave that Canes shirt!

 

If you feel sorry for that young man with the broken leg, look on the bright side. Once games start, he’ll just run around aimlessly all over the field waiting for passes that will never come his way. And that’s good, because he’ll never drop a pass and be a goat.

 

More than that, this is a Cane. He’s earned a special station in life, even if that special station currently is as comfortable as the rack during the Spanish Inquisition. This player might be busted up at the moment, but he's surrounded by some really neat-sounding medical gadgetry. And by a coach who truly cares and is supremely intelligent, even if he’s wearing his surgical mask like a chin strap on a football helmet.

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This thread reminds me of that scene from "Titanic." The ship was sinking, 1500 people were gonna die. But the band set up on deck and just kept playing their favorite song.

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On 6/30/2022 at 8:42 PM, Jester said:

So it's a B-?

 

Just glad you weren't turned on by the smell comment.  

 

Check back in with you guys in another month.

 

L8R All

Just messin'. with you, man... you're hilarious🤣

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Quintessential = Phoney Baloney

 

And that's not a chin strap.  That's a bra for his chin.

 

cyrus-moss-cristobal-visit.jpg.9bf220d20a58009b482e6beddaf95401.jpg

 

Obviously, this isn't Cyrus Moss's home, but it was the photo that was used to capture MariØ's and Oregon's last in-home visit to Cyrus Moss, which I felt is appropriate to demonstrate how two-faced MariØ is and was during this time.  This was the day before MariØ announced that he was signing with Miami. 

 

So he pretended to represent Oregon, but he was really using Uncle Phil's resources to recruit Moss to Miami.  MariØ played everyone, including PK.  He used PK's private jet to visit his ailing mother.  There is speculation that he used part of his trip back home to secretly meet with Miami about their HC vacancy.  He basically snubbed PK and his $85 million dollar contract extension, taking $5 million less to coach for his Alma mater.  When MariØ wouldn't take PK's calls, PK pulled his offer.

 

By the Utah game, MariØ had all but checked out.  He already knew he was going to Miami to become the new HC.  And recently, we learned that he was lining up all his boosters and NIL $, getting all his Ducks lined up in a row.

 

Don't get me wrong.  I am glad and relieved that MariØ is gone.  Oregon's future looks much brighter with Lanning calling the shots, but the underhanded manner in which MariØ kept Oregon in the dark, was like big parting FU.

 

I don't blame him for leaving, but he could have been more transparent and up front about his intentions.  Then, the Ducks could have moved on and been better prepared for the pair of Utah games.  He flat out lied about it when asked by reporters. 

 

I can't wait for the boos to rain down in Miami, when they lose to inferior teams.  It is said that the booing in Autzen was the straw that broke the camel's back.  Well, he better get used to it, because I see more of it in his not so distant future, especially with his inept coaching.

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MariØ put on the camp where the kid broke his leg. If he didn't show up at the hospital, now there would have been a story.

 

The idea he went to the hospital where a recruit broke his tibia is the minimum he should have done. This is just a made for news piece which should be expected by the media in south beach.

 

If this wasn't made into a feel good story by the media, and MariØ hadn't gone to the hospital, that would have been interesting. Nothing to see here, but in todays world this kind of thing makes headlines. 

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On 7/1/2022 at 7:46 AM, rden said:

This thread reminds me of that scene from "Titanic." The ship was sinking, 1500 people were gonna die. But the band set up on deck and just kept playing their favorite song.

You’re right, rden, and we will probably continue to mock and ridicule him until a more worthy target becomes available.  If you have thoughts of who the lucky contestant(s) may be, please share.

 

Mario is just one of a couple persons/teams that are essentially our escape from meaningful discussion.  It’s like wanting to watch Talladega Nights instead of a thought-provoking documentary.  Sometimes you just need to be silly, take a respite from reality, and just have fun poking at low-hanging fruit.  It’s somewhat childish and non-productive but my day is filled with responsibility and unfortunately for Mario (like he really cares what we think.  Lol.) he’s a key member of the “Low-Hanging Fruit Super-squad”.  He’s (Mario) got company though.  Look, there’s Lincoln Riley right now wearing cardinal colored spandex clam-diggers and…is that a crown of thorns?  Wow, he’s got issues.    

 

In truth, I think we all (ok…not all, but close to it) have expressed our sincere gratitude for having Mario in Eugene.  His hard work shined the light back on this program, and no one can question his tireless drive when it comes to pursuing top-notch athletes.  The transition from Mario to Dan was in no small part made easier by Oregon’s rebuilt reputation which has Mario’s fingerprints (like it or not) all over it.  Oregon is once again attractive (And there goes USC & UCLA.  Dammit!).

 

Perhaps our jabs at Mario should really be viewed as back-handed compliments.  If the fanbase truly thought Mario failed in all facets of being a head coach, they wouldn’t be feeling so betrayed by his departure.  If he was across-the-board, average – “O.k., see ya.”  Nothing more would be said.   

 

BTW, I gave your comment a thumbs-up cuz I sense where you’re coming from, and for very cleverly tying-in a Titanic reference.  Can’t believe they didn’t make a Part II.

 

Cheers

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Did you notice the gray in Mari-no's hair. By this time next year he will completely white from dealing with the stress of the U's expectations. Maybe he should grow a beard so they can call him Gandolf the White.  

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